SUBMISSION...ITS NOT A DIRTY WORD

Struggle is Ordained...I have heard that for the better part of my life, and am now just determining what i choose to struggle about!!! Some things are beyond my scope of control, others? Not so much.

When i look at my journey in developing my spiritual self, i look back on the discipline i chose in which to do so. Again, i don't like to get caught up in Titles as they are more divisive then the unifying principle in which they are intended. So i choose to use discipline.

I was once in an argument with a fool, and during the argument who was the fool was interchangeable, she swore to me up and down she wasn't going to deny CHRIST and not call herself a Christian, as if a Name makes you such, all the while abusing, neglecting traumatizing and mistreating your children? Ma'am have several seats, please and thank you.  And don't even get me started on folks claiming Allah, all the while mistreating women, blowing up shit and selling more Pork than Leon's Pig Pen...Sir? Boy Bye! So yeah, I'm cool on the labeling and i wont be so arrogant to determine for you what is for you!!! We all have a walk/journey/role and Dear God they can change like the wind so I'm a little slow as to make a determination on an unfinished product.

Said all that to say, this last 2 weeks have been very tumultuous with an internal struggle for me, I was on my road, meditating 20 minutes a day, eating right for the most part and being active, you know really finding time to cultivate and evolve myself back to my original state before this world got a hold of me! Back to GOD!!!! My cycle came and everything came to a screeching halt, almost instantly.

You see i have had this on again off again relationship with my creator and sometimes when i am riding HIGH and i think we are seeing eye to eye on some things a struggle presents itself!  My cycle is one of those struggles! My sister and I have been talking and she offended me on a few things, and i was really telling her off in my head ( i mean a freeloader can only say so much right) But i felt like she was infringing on my relationship with my creator and Telling me how it should be, when in my mind I GOT THIS! Well after i went to my quiet place, she was right, although i didn't like it AT ALL, she was right!

When i started to develop on my spiritual journey away from what i was taught as a child i was seventeen years old.  I am now 40, but only 23 years in my development, now when we look at the average 23 year old, and i think of my 21 year old soon to be 22 year old daughter i see her development, or the lack thereof, and i cut her slack because, she's only 21? But i never afford myself the same slack? It seems i never bestow upon my self the same grace, kindness and patience that i show others.

When you are growing up you tend to do what your parents say do, then as you get older you start smelling yourself and start making some bold moves in your own direction whether good or bad.  Then as the world whips your ass, you start to think back on what mama and daddy said, and wish being obedient to what they prescribed was all you had to concern yourself with...Wash a Dish? Hell yeah I'll wash all the damn dishes, the wall, the bathroom, the car, the underbelly of a YAK, if that means i don't have to be bombarded with all these new found challenges and responsibilities!!!

Then you mature, and you start to understand, your struggles had to be your struggles, your pains had to be yours, your triumphs had to be yours, YOUR JOURNEY had to be yours, and then you begin to develop into your own, with your own flavor, your own new found freedom and evolution.

Well although i am 40, i am just now coming into my own, and my journey has looked so colorful, and so rebellious, and so outrageous to some, but it was all on PURPOSE for me! So i embrace my 23 year old self, i accept that mama knew what the heck she was talking about a little bit, and i am determined to walk my walk, humbly, appreciatively, and begin treating my discipline with the reverence and respect it deserves.

I have never wanted to fully submit to anyone or anything NEVER! Even if i KNEW it was for my own good, because i always have been riddled with the ghost of Claude Coward trying to tame that wild child of his AND NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER!!!!

But it isn't about me Losing Anything, but finally coming into the person i was destined to become...Its about me Gaining EVERYTHING

Again-I am thankful for another opportunity to NOT get it right...but to be BETTER!!!!

This is a road of self-love self-discovery and self-mastery. I think we could all do better if we learned to control ourselves and set a course for our own destiny instead of offering so many opinions and advice we simply do not follow personally. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK!