Well i am all moved from the home of the wire, chicken boxes, half and halfs and urban belly dancers to the town of surf boards, fun in the sun and mountains far as the eye can see...the only place where you can surf and ski in the same day if you wanted too...well only place that i know of any way HA! CALIFORNIA!!!
One thing i learned most about this move is FREEDOM aint FREE!!!! I have heard people say this all my life thanks to my Ungawa Black Power Daddy! But it is one of the realest sentiments ever! Sometimes if you wanna be free of all the hairy bullshit...you gotta pay the price!! So i am paying the piper! And happy to do so.
I see my boy thriving, i see the best man i know outside my daddy, "The Hubs" freed up to really focus on his creative side as he has one a mileeeeeeeee long and i am joyful!
I posted pics on Facebook like the first week i got here, and my cousinigetinthedivorceslashtherapist was like let me call this @)*#)@(+@ She done combed her damn hair and is bright and shiny and was here looking like a damn runaway slave!!!! I hadn't even noticed the difference but i sure felt it! I know i have the same issues i had in Baltimore (im still black at em?) THAT hasn't changed, I HAVE!
My father use to always compare me to my siblings and it used to drive me to distraction, but he had a point, if they are in the same classes, in the same school with the same teachers, why is it you the only one always with the problem? Well of course in my defense i have to say the world wasn't ready for what HE HIMSELF created in his rearing of me! But i had to look at the common denominator and that was ME MYSELF AND I!
I could live in the bowels of hell or be greeted with the warmth and graciousness of St. Peter himself and could be happier in hell depending upon my perspective!!!! Perspective can be EVERYTHING!!!! Sometimes when you look at people and try to get all up in their heads with their madness it is an exercise in futility, because if you are not looking from their perspective and living with their experiences Fagediboudit.
I could live in the bowels of hell or be greeted with the warmth and graciousness of St. Peter himself and could be happier in hell depending upon my perspective!!!! Perspective can be EVERYTHING!!!! Sometimes when you look at people and try to get all up in their heads with their madness it is an exercise in futility, because if you are not looking from their perspective and living with their experiences Fagediboudit.
My therapist (more like High Priestess, because therapist is playing her small in my opinion) asked me to take 20 minutes to just be quiet and sit still so she could do some work with me and i replied i had no time today...then when i looked, i had no time in the near future? WHAT THE HELL? You haven't 20 minutes to be still? To be alone? Now thats some fracklenackle bullshit if i ever heard of some!
My perspective is shifting, Mind Body and Soul as ME time has a whole new meaning to me now, i am not talking about no superficial nails did, toes did, hot bath time! As those things are important, but if you look at it Ummm thats basic hygiene...
but for me and my grand scheme...
I am talking about some gut wrenching soul searching bout it bout it TIME!!!! Investing in me time !!!! Dealing with the hypocrisy within my self and the self-loathing time, other people's expectations and why they matter time? Communing with the ancestors letting go of ancestral baggage TIME! Letting go of that EGO TIME!!!!!!!
but for me and my grand scheme...
I am talking about some gut wrenching soul searching bout it bout it TIME!!!! Investing in me time !!!! Dealing with the hypocrisy within my self and the self-loathing time, other people's expectations and why they matter time? Communing with the ancestors letting go of ancestral baggage TIME! Letting go of that EGO TIME!!!!!!!
So i am making the TIME, it hasn't been long but the boy is even like okay mom go meditate...have fun!!! Im like son if i am a better me you will ONLY benefit! He may not understand it fully, but on a visceral level HE GETS IT and he's four...whats my excuse?
Even newer things have been happening with my business, and i have to be honest i feel the sense of angst and a bit overwhelmed, but all i can do is MAKE A PLAN...and Work it, as my Mama always says "it only works...if YOU work it!"
Your Baby's working it Mama!!!!
Again-I am thankful for another opportunity to NOT get it right...but to be BETTER!!!!
This is a road of self-love self-discovery and self-mastery. I think we could all do better if we learned to control ourselves and set a course for our own destiny instead of offering so many opinions and advice we simply do not follow personally. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK!
Again-I am thankful for another opportunity to NOT get it right...but to be BETTER!!!!
This is a road of self-love self-discovery and self-mastery. I think we could all do better if we learned to control ourselves and set a course for our own destiny instead of offering so many opinions and advice we simply do not follow personally. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK!
Wow! You are such an amazing and graphic writer. I commented on this 3 times yesterday but I was using my cell phone and every time I tried to post I would get a phone call and lose what I wrote. Nonetheless, I just wanted to say that I so honor your courage and bravery not only as a woman but as a mother and a positive role model for our society. I can not only sense but can almost feel the energy in your growth. I may not always comment but I do read your writings and they always encourage me to feel positive no matter what I may be feeling. These days I feel stuck and often depressed by my lack of get up an go. I can't understand why I am not the same person I used to be. Always doing something, always on the go. I am slowing down big time and for the life of me I didn't know or couldn't understand why. Then it dawned on me....Hello! I am not 25 anymore, hell I'm not even 35. I am 41 for crying out loud! And the things that used to make me happy at 30 just isn't so at 41. I am getting older and instead of being depressed about who I used to be. I have to learn to embrace who I am now and love life 24/7! Love and miss you lots!
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Awwwww SHucks Pa!!!!! Thanks Love Muffin!!!!!!!! Miss you and Love you even More!!!!!
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