I HAVE BEEN BRUNG LOW...

DAY WHO GIVES A DAMN ANYMORE...

So i have fallen off the wagon it has circle around and gained a significant amount of speed i believe another horse was added for momentum's sake and it has run me down...twice!

Now mind you these are all excuses and i am fully aware but i must, i owe it to my 2 loyal readers (Tams & Cherles) to give the low down on what is taking place!

Firstly we are moving, so in our feeble attempt to see everyone before we move off this coast we have volunteered to do such and such and so and so, and with my work schedule being as it is, i am already in a deficit as time is concerned. 

So me and he hubs have been painting, and i am talking custom, and if anyone is familiar with what it takes to roll out obscenely tall ceilings, you can concur if you will, that it is some frickin serious exercise going on. So i wasn't worried about the exercise portion. (now that i think about it that may also have contributed to my Typhoid incident? Curiouser and Curiouser)

Then We had to move everything for the "Estate" Sale taking place at my home. No one died no need for alarm, but i like "Estate" better than "Yard/Garage" sale, well needless to say we have a 6 bedroom 4 bath home and when i tell you i think Harriet Tubman may have hid in my basement during the underground railroad i would not be exaggerating! My house is huge, drafty and old and all the dust and typhoid flying about has brought me low. 

I have been eating horribly due to laziness and self sabotaging tendencies and having to use my nebulizer 3 times a day as my lungs have decided to take their leave and rightfully so given their improper treatment! So the games are afoot...my psychosis, the dust mites/typhoid and my allergies...what a cocktail!

So i am convalescing to work out another day. I started to dance today but decided i did not want to press my luck, as i only have needed a treatment once today so far, as my wheezing woke me from my slumber this morning. This is getting serial and I cant afford time off or hospital bills so i will lay low.

Since i have abused my privilege i must change my diet  and remove all wheat, dairy, citrus and every berry this side of the Mississippi, as that will improve my state significantly (back to the basics).  I am going to learn to love myself and do what is best for ME if it Kills me, and even if it does, i cant think of a worthier cause (well maybe a few!)

So to top off my many self induced ailments, my emotions have bested me as this was in my inbox from someone i love so dearly: I hear you and Bro. David are living the city. say it isn`t so. You will truly be missed, although facebook is close. (smile) Have a wonderful new life, continue to enjoy your husband(still miss mine.) and keep love alive.
Love you Sis. maria and I have grown to love and respect your husband too.
Tell him to leave me some bean pies or give me the recipe.(ha.) Dang, why do the good ones leave? Why? 

Well this was the first time i cried since we decided we were making the big move, as i am an adventurer at heart but i will sorely miss my fam! So, needless to say i am all over the place, much like this post Teheheheheheheheeheheheehehehe.

I swear before Jesus Christ and the Church of the Latter Day Saints I will get to the best version of myself!
I always ponder why i spend so much time on my boy to tend to his needs, all my children really, not my girls anymore as they are off raising their own children, but i was obsessive about those heathens too, trying to keep them from this that and the third...making sure they rest properly, eat properly, properly clothed and entertained. And the reason is simple, it is because i believe they are WORTH IT! I have Faith and Hope that if i do right by them they will be an asset to this world and make it better with their time and talents.

Why don't i have the same hope and faith in myself, what is preventing ME from seeing and appreciating my own WORTH? I expect others to treat me with a modicum of respect and reverence, should my expectations of myself be less than...i tell you i wrote this to my sister today in a text. i love this girl like a heartbeat, but i must INternalize these words and work towards that ever elusive SELF LOVE: "Don't be afraid of the Season of ME, as it may have record breaking highs or lows but it is your Season, so dress warmly or take it all off, either way the end result will be Spectacular!" (should use quotation marks when i am referencing myself?) 

Anyhow, This is my Season of ME and i wont stop this journey no matter how torrential the rains, blistering the cold or blazing the sun...this is my Season

This is a road of self-love self-discovery and self-mastery. I think we could all do better if we learned to control ourselves and set a course for our own destiny instead of offering so many opinions and advice we simply do not follow personally. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK!