I inspire ME....

I Inspire me...

The Poem below was a part of an assignment for PHOENIX RISING BALTIMORE an organization i have co-founded for survivors of sexual abuse, assault and molestation.  One of my sisters, after reading my blog yesterday told me to re-read one of my  post from this blog for inspiration as yesterdays entry seemed kind of off putting i suppose. So i started to read some of my old workshops instead; that i have facilitated and/or been an active member of, and this is a writing i have found, it inspired me... so i thought i'd share

When I see myself I smile, smile at the girl I have become, despite your bullshit, despite your self-hatred and all the things you said I would never be, u can't touch me

When I see you I smile, smile at the fact that your self loathing only stunted my ability to love myself for awhile, smile at the fact that all the years I faked loving myself eventually paid off cuz you cant hold me

When I see myself I smile, because I no longer see you looking back at me in the mirror, I no longer have this noose around my neck, this anchor around my waist this anvil dropping on my head, u can't be me

I am free from your grasp, your reach isn't long enough your arms aren’t strong enough your mind aint grand enough you can’t hold me

I smile at all the years I thought I wasted, but it wasn’t a waste I was incubating, learning, growing, wising up, becoming all God Intended when he breathed his breath of life into me filling my lungs, molding my mind, shaping my thoughts, strengthening my faith, giving me the necessary time, the necessary trials, the necessary test to become ME

I know you may not SEE me, you think im insignificant, rag tagged, banged up, nothing, but thats simply transference…you looking through your jaundiced infected cancerous eyes

while im dawning pink rosed spectacles, laughing out loud and smiling on the inside, loving me through and through

even on my darkest of days when I’m foolish enough to think I have been forsaken,

it only last for a moment

it lasts long enough for me to remember the song in my heart

that you haven’t the fortitude to touch,

just long enough to think of the life I am able to live because of WHO I AM…

not the life you thought I should be living because of what you did

you can’t touch me,  because when I see myself I smile, smile at the girl I have become, despite all of your bullshit, because im not lookn for you to love me, validate me or empower me... I AM POWER and have been since the day i born...

One Day these words wont be something i aspire to, but something i live consistently day in and day out...

This is a road of self-love self-discovery and self-mastery. I think we could all do better if we learned to control ourselves and set a course for our own destiny instead of offering so many opinions and advice we simply do not follow personally. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK!