I have a Dream...

DAY 10 NOVEMBER FITNESS CHALLENGE

It was all a dream i use to read WordUp magazine...My dream last night was B A N A N A S Bananas! in my dream my waistline was outrageously small so much so that a dude noticed (can't remember who) and was like what kind of trickery is this? And i was like its called a girdle...but no girdle in this universe could have pulled that off it was NUTS freakishly eery! 

I am trying not to get obsessed with size, my focus is of course to be the best version of myself but i really wanna be FRICKIN G.I. Jane...Ya Heard! I want to be in such good shape i can run 10 miles and then stop and fight four 3 minute Rounds! I want to be fit, so naturally the weight loss comes with that goal. But i get so caught up on image or what the scale says or the mirror says, it distracts me from being HEALTHY, and that's when i start the throwing up my food and being the star of my own personal frickin after school special; and i am way too old for that shattttt! 

So i kicked my previous days challenge in the arse, only for it to send its bigger meaner friend...ME!

SO lets recap on how my day went:

I slept like a champ!  I woke up, and scadaddled on to the good church house as i hadn't been in months due to working!!!!! Then had to leave there take my niece and nephew home, come back home and work out then go to work! 

I choose Dancing Dancing Dancing! And decided to do the Reebok Step DANCE???? OY VEY! I was stepping and this heifer...i mean lovely lady wanna add dancing too? I was cha cha cha'ing myself into the nearest Emergency Room! I didn't ace it but i completed it and on some parts i had to use the floor and not the step as i am working my way back to myself and it aint easy!!!! But it was only 30 minutes which was perfect as i was able to sit still for 5 minutes to collect my thoughts and then workout and go to work! My time management is at an all time LOW!!! Dear God its going to be my undoing!

So i hadn't eaten anything at that point accept a few pieces of cheese and crackers and some grapes i could feel my energy going down and i had to work until 12, so in my mind since i haven't put my meal plan together and gotten all of my healthy snacks i can continue on in my inordinacy until i am "prepared" What a boob! Self-sabotage at its best! Food is my crack! And i can't keep greeting it like i have a healthy take on it, because i DO NOT! 

So, i had a breakthrough of sorts! My previous blog i discussed what i wanted to do with my food and the my ultimate goal of becoming a Vegan...this was on Saturday Night, i posted this beautiful resource from Black Vegan Love and then by Sunday i was binge eating???? Talk about Psychosis!!! This was my dinner:

I should be ashamed considering i am so smart i annoy myself sometimes, thus, i know better, but i am not for some reason? Maybe im just tired of all the hairy bullshit (tehehehehehe what movie is that from?) And am okay with the slightly neurotic girl looking back at me in the mirror. It's not an "i am okay and this is me and who gives a damn," but an "okay crazy, this is ridiculous, and EYE SEE YOU, Now get it together!" Im telling you it is liberating when you simply choose to be yourself...regardless what self decides to show up on any particular day!

Good News is...i got my workout in and i am one step closer to the conditioning of my body! And we have already read the bad news so no sense in beating a dead horse, but i will say this, i am becoming more consciously aware of my shenanigans as i am going through them instead of weeks, months and years later. Keeping this up should prove me a god in a matter of time as i will foresee my folly and laugh at it and avoid it altogether in the very near future...of that i am sure! Meal Plan coming soon...

This is a road of self-love self-discovery and self-mastery. I think we could all do better if we learned to control ourselves and set a course for our own destiny instead of offering so many opinions and advice we simply do not follow personally. BE THE CHANGE WE SEEK!